UHNW and HNW WOMEN: SUPPORT FOR WHENEVER YOU ARE HEARING VOICES

facets of you – UHNW WOMEN & MENTAL HEALTH

UHNW and HNW WOMEN WHO ARE HEARING VOICES

Join today’s conversation on why you as an UHNW or HNW Women need to know how you can cope and additionally what should you do when you are struggling with hearing voices? What do you believe when you hear the voices and how is this impacting upon your mental health disorder? How do you feel when you are subject to the impact of someone that dismisses your experience for hearing voices?

You are an affluent woman. You are shy or an introvert. Perhaps with low level autism. You live in an affluent home. You live an affluent lifestyle. You have weight fluctuations. You have dietary impulses. Yet with all the wealth that you have accumulated you are experiencing a mental health disorder that involves hearing voices. How are you managing the voices in order for you to move forward with your ‘recovery’? Warts and all.

According to the Schizophrenia Bulletin 2014 by Jones et al, it is likely that one in ten of us at some time will hear a voice talking to us when there is nobody present. It is well known that psychotic episodes like this can be brought about by impacts such as, Depression. Drugs. Stress. Trauma.

WHEN? HOW? WHY? ARE YOU HEARING VOICES? HOW ARE YOU MANAGING THE EXPERIENCE?

Consultant Therapist: Shirley

Shirley is a Therapist and she works with clients that hear voices. In addition, Shirley has also had the experience of receiving hallucinations and hearing voices. It is because of experiencing these aspects within her life that she decided to study in psychiatry and become a therapist. In order to cope and manage any recurrences of hearing voices Shirley does gardening, analytical puzzles and artwork. This alleviates the situation in her mind and brings about well-being. She acknowledges that the voices can range from humour to acceptance through to rage.

When people are hearing voices the scientific research into brain activity has shown that there is the same part of their brain which is activated, as when they are having a real time social conversation with a real time person.

It is worth pointing out here that although there are causes to psychosis, experts in this field differ in their understanding as to how and why the brain is activated to allow for hearing voices and seeing hallucinations. Hence, some people are inclined to do therapies that are alternative to standard medical practices. This sector is growing and many medically trained doctors are learning about these alternative therapies and using them as an additional part of their services to aid mental health. It is up to you as an individual, to do your due diligence in seeking help from alternative therapy practitioners.

Therapists, Counsellors and doctors work towards clients being able to manage their experiences better. The way that I see it is this. If people are unable to stop the voices, how on Earth can they have a relationship with the voices so that the voices are not the ones coveting and controlling the actions and emotions of people?

From a spectator’s point of view; especially one that has never experienced hearing voices, it is all too easy to rubbish the idea of hearing voices and state that there is nothing real about it. When one hears a voice or voices it is real. No throw away phrase is going to help. Throw away phrases such as “There is nothing there.” “I cannot hear anything.” “Stop focussing on your imagination, imagination is not real.”

This is one example of what it is like to have your experience of hearing a voice dismissed.

If someone asked you “What is your door number?” and you replied with your door number; let us say you said “12”, the person who asked the question would then reject your answer in disbelief. It is a stance of mistrust. Disbelief. This conversation with this particular individual has already brought up barriers and a shut down gate for dialogue with you. Straight away you are going to think “I am wasting my time here this individual. I cannot talk to her/him. S/he just does not have a clue about what I am going through. S/he is denying my existence. My reality. My normality.”

Everybody hears voices ranging from humour through to anger. Everybody has a different experience. Everybody has a different coping mechanism. Some people hear voices as whispers. Some people hear voices clear, strong and loud.

It is essential to acknowledge here that if you cannot cope with managing a voice that you are hearing, that you must get medical help.

What most people do with voices that they hear is to talk to it. Sometimes internally. Sometimes externally. They become fully engaged with the voice(s) that they can become absent minded in the here and now when they try to resume their day to day life. They forget what it is that they were going to do, because of the distraction from the voice.

The other side to this is that people shall try to ignore the voice. They shall play music loudly to drown out the sound of the voice. They shall try to engage in fervent activity with other people just to halt the voice that they hear.

When a voice first appears, or when it becomes too intrusive or detrimental in your life relationships, it is crucial that you visit your doctor or find a therapist as soon as possible. This is your first step.

If you absolutely have no-one to turn to and you sense a high risk or worry to yourself, then without fail go to your local hospital; your local Accident and Emergency department. You should be able to receive support and literature concerning mental health psychosis from the doctors there.

In essence the ability to cope and manage your life whilst hearing voices and responding to them is paramount. There is no single cure. It is a journey that you must make, where you shall learn to manage the voices in your mental health situation. You do not have to do it alone. Go to a support group where you live, or, see what is out there as an additional resource to your therapy. Be sure that whatever additional therapies that you choose to partake in understand your hearing of voices. This is important.

As a therapist one of my wishes is to be able to take away the voices that people hear. I understand that it scares many people that I work with and they find it hard to deal with. As a therapist who also hears voices it is a part of my work to enable clients with their confidence in order for them to lead their life in a more fulfilled way with accomplishments.

Hedi is a mature client. She has been hearing voices and experiencing hallucinations from since she was at school during World War 2 in Germany.

SO HOW DO YOU AND YOUR FRIEND MANAGE WHEN YOU ARE EXPERIENCING HEARING A VOICE?

Client: Hedi

Hedi: I started hearing voices as a child during World War 2 in Germany. I did not understand why I was hearing voices. After a while I began to acknowledge the voices as childhood friends. I thought other school children were experiencing similar things, but that was not the case.

They come and go at their free will. The conversations differ widely. I did not learn any filtering techniques as a child, so I made quite a few errors in keeping them at bay when I needed some privacy and having to do my daily chores around the house. I would always find them distracting and hearing the voices made me forgetful. That got me into trouble with my parents, grandparents and sometimes school teachers about my concentration. I even hear a voice now.

Friend: Esinam

Esinam: I met Hedi through a church social event. Our friendship started off slowly. Especially as I am Ghanian and German is my third language. Hedi speaks English, so we could communicate relatively well after a while. We got talking about all sorts of things. Her previous work. Her international travel. Her husband. Her properties. Years ago I did voluntary work at a charity in London and there was another volunteer who would frequently talk to themself. It was unnerving the first time that I noticed it. After a while you grew to understand their ways. So when I met Hedi I had some understanding of her mental health illness. You could see that she was going through some thoughts and instead of leaving her there with her mind spinning and talking to herself I would say “Hello Hedi, fancy a cup of tea?” and try to engage with her. I did not like to see her sitting all by herself. Some people just avoid her. Clearly not all Christians are Christians.

WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE WHEN YOU HEAR THE VOICES AND HOW IS THIS IMPACTING UPON YOUR MENTAL HEALTH DISORDER?

Client: Hedi

Hedi: When I hear the voices it always comes across to me as an image. I have no fear of it.

For me the feeling of the image is like heaven. I feel released of all problems. There is a calmness. A tranquility. There is movement but it is gentle and soothing.

Friend: Esinam

Esinam: Hedi and I talk about life, not in an intrusive way. We speak a little bit about food culture. Family. Television. Music. I am often amazed by the similarities in our past, even though we come from two totally different places. I am 40 years younger than Hedi and we still find things to talk about.

I invited her to my house one Sunday for tea. Her husband and her son accompanied her. It was over the dining table that I noticed that her husband was getting infuriated with her mental health voices occurrences. He was clearly feeling embarrassed about the situation. The son had slight mannerisms similar to Hedi. So it seemed that hearing and talking to voices ran in the family gene pool.

Having spent some time with Hedi it is easier for me to spot the signs when the voices are there with her, then the next step is for me to try and distract her in to a conversation, or an action of some sort.

Client: Hedi

Hedi: How do you notice this?

Friend: Esinam

Esinam: One of the signs is in your eyes. There is a saying in English “The lights are on, but there is no-one home.’ Hedi is there in body, but you can sense and see that something is happening inside of her. That is when I start to make a conversation. Or do something to gain her attention. Hedi does not go out much. Her husband does not take her out socially as he did before. If he does not go out with her she stays at the house.

Client: Hedi

Hedi: There are times when I do notice Esinam is looking to distract me. She is a good person to notice that I am not feeling well at times and attempts to change the dynamics around me and within me.

Friend: Esinam

Esinam: Discretion is the key here. I try my best not to cause too much attention to Hedi when she is having one of her situations. Especially as we are in public areas.

With the advent of technology and many more therapies becoming available, as well as forums and interest groups, individuals who are hearing voices are becoming less afraid of seeking help and receiving coping mechanisms to manage the voices.

As everyone is different and copes in different ways with hearing voices, what mechanisms do you use in order to manage the voices that you hear?

Client: Maria

Maria: The voice has spoken. It said “Ciao” I always speak to the voice in my head in my native language; Italian. I speak through my mind, never out loud as it is not always possible to do this in public.

Client: Ursula

Ursula: Comedy. Watching a good comedy show lifts my senses. I feel happy. It helps enormously when I feel the voices coming.

Client: Lena

Lena: Being able to relax is key for me. As is being hydrated with sparkling water, there is something about the taste of sparkling water that I find therapeutic. Pleasurable. It is important that I feel a level of well-being in my life where everything is going to be well. That things are going to work out in my favour.

Client: Petra

Petra: I do what I always do. Have a conversation with the voice.

Client: Jane

Jane: The simplest way for me to cope with the voice is to be in a relaxed state.

Client: Alice

Alice: Humour is a great modus operandi for me. Laughter lightens the impact of the voice when it comes over.

Client: Olga

Olga: For me to cope with whatever I am doing I have to start distracting myself as soon as I hear the voices. Make myself busy. Occupied.

Client: Emma

Emma: My way of coping is to say a mantra to myself. If I can, I say the mantra out loud. Something positive with feeling.

Client: Hedi

Hedi: I have lived with the voices for my entire life. I am 80 years old. I take each day as it comes. There were times when the voices were often disturbing in my younger years. Now at this age I have learned to live with them. Seeing a psychiatrist in the early days was not an option. There was a huge social stigma about being treated for such things in Germany. My husband and my family just treated me in normal ways. So I adapted to my new post war life. I had enough distractions in my life to keep the voices at bay without realising it. As I remember it, it was only when I was highly stressed with work / life balance that the voices rushed back with a vengeance. At this age that I have, not many of my old friends are left. In fact, from the war days I have none of my friends left. The voices arrive and I interact with them. When I have these episodes I notice who keeps away from me, who sends me a smile or talks to me. Even at my age of 80 years old my impulse to contend with the difficulties and overcome them is fading. Distraction is something that worked in the past and it works now only if I let it work now. I have been though much pain, sorrow and sadness in my long years that I want an easy life now. I am incredibly comfortable. I am affluent. I like the finer things in life. I like my hairdressing appointments. Some standards still remain even at 80 (plus) years old.

I remember that in my youth in Germany, that I experienced an incredible consuming emotion through the voices that were from time to time informing me to do detrimental things to myself and people around me. It was crazy. It was a scary time when the war had ended over here in Germany. I was in a loving and safe home and they protected me from many things. I saw the benefit of the allied foreign troops in Germany. I was glad that they won the war. As were my parents and grandparents. Many of our neighbours were still scared and there was still an element of mistrust in the community. Suspicions were still strong and rampant. The voices did not help matters much. In fact the voices aggravated matters for me during this time. There was no way that I could be admitted to a mental hospital. Everything was in a primitive state. There was nothing in the country. People were left to fend for themselves. It was like the wild west. I had to manage the voices that I was hearing on my own. Without drugs. Without therapy.

When hearing voices, the use of anti-psychotic medication will usually be prescribed to help control and reduce some of the symptoms of psychosis. The medication is not a cure to stop hearing voices.

Client: Hedi

Hedi: I have never discussed hearing voices with a doctor before. So I have never had medication prescribed for me before to help counter the voices that I hear. I am sure that for many people medication is necessary. Even psychiatry is necessary. I never had that option. The idea of becoming dependent upon anti-psychotic medication is not something that I want. You hear about the side effects of being dependent upon drugs and I did not want that for myself. I did not want my life to be shaping and controlling in any way through the medication. It probably works best for others, but not for me.

I had one of the worst times with the voices during giving birth to my first baby. The other time was having a miscarriage and having to go through with the birth. Hearing the voices was making me unbalanced and I had to deal with it on my own. Even though I had a loving normal family.

Friend: Esinam

Esinam: Not too long ago there was a situation where Hedi was experiencing the voices at home. She had telephoned me and her son having been pushed to a stressful point from hearing voices. Culminating with an argument with her husband. The voices were beginning to cause a tension between the two of them. Both of them steadily living two separate lives and growing apart in their old age. Although they still love each other, they were changing in character. Changing in needs, wants and desires of their more youthful and former Self. Hedi did not want to be there with her husband, the voices were telling her that the wanted to get rid of her.

It was late in the evening and my husband and I travelled to the house to make sure that all was well. There was the apology for the intrusion to my evening, as they had never had anyone drop everything for them and help them out. Her son had said that he would visit the next day as it was the weekend. He had managed to calm his parents down over the telephone. With myself and my husband there at Hedi’s house we behaved as though everything was normal. We did not stay too long. We just wanted to show a caring presence. Supportive of the elderly couple. Re-assuring them that they were not alone.

I understand that when people hear and start talking to voices it is that they need to converse with someone. That perhaps there is no-one around them that they feel that they can talk to. Someone who can understand them. When you as an individual become that person that someone can talk to, you as an individual act as a pivotal role in the life of the person with the voices in their head. You are not there to save the person who is hearing voices. You are simply there for support. Support with boundaries. The voices are not going to vanish in an instant. It is really about coping. Managing. Especially in the here and now that someone is going through. Anybody and everybody who is hearing voices should have someone to turn to. You should not be going through this on your own. Whether you are 10, 20, 30 all the way up to 100. Before you die have some peace, love and support in your life. Wherever the support comes from.

Client: Hedi

Hedi: It has been strange having Esinam as a friend. Nice strange. It took a while for me to understand who she was as an individual. In my entire life I never had any Black friends. I had Black servants in the USA house and in the Nigeria house. I had my prejudices and sometimes the voices would play on that. I am pleased that fate had us to meet through the church. I know that I cannot solely rely upon her, that is not her job. I just like knowing that there is someone else there for me to talk to. Even if it is just for 30 minutes. I have had to live with the best part of 80 years with the voices and now I have a new friend who is helping me deal with the voices in my head.